Don’t Eat the Marshmallow
If you’re looking for a simple mindset shift that can instantly improve your client conversations or 1-on-1 leadership moments, here it is: learn to hold back.
The ability to pause, ask more questions, and delay jumping into solutions might be one of the most overlooked skills in business. But it’s also one of the most powerful.
The Marshmallow Test: A Lesson in Restraint
There’s a famous psychology study called the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. Researchers placed a marshmallow in front of kids and offered them a deal: eat it now, or wait 15 minutes and get two.
Some couldn’t resist and ate it right away. But others took a pause, and waited for the bigger reward. Years later, those who delayed for larger gratification had better academic results, stronger careers, and even healthier relationships.
The takeaway? People who practice restraint often outperform those who act on impulse.
Now let’s apply that to sales and leadership.
Why Salespeople and Leaders Talk Too Soon—and What It Costs Them
In high-pressure conversations, whether with clients or team members, it’s tempting to jump in as soon as we hear something we can respond to. You hear a problem, and instantly your brain says: “I’ve got this! I know the answer!” So you offer a solution, share a story, talk about your product, or give advice.
But here’s what you miss when you do that:
You miss the chance to build real connection. When you jump in too soon, it signals that you were waiting to talk, not genuinely and deeply listening. People feel that. And it erodes trust.
You miss what’s underneath the surface. Most people don’t open up with their biggest issue, what they’re really worried about, their goals, etc. They start with safe, high level details. If you interrupt too early, you never get down to the real problem, or motivation to know if and how you can help them.
You miss the opportunity to make the other person feel heard. Sometimes what people need most isn’t an answer. Rather, they want to feel understood. And when they do, they’re more open, more honest, and more likely to buy in to your ideas because they trust that you understand them.
You miss better outcomes. Every question you ask before jumping in improves your odds of saying something truly relevant, valuable, and meaningful.
In short: talking too soon feels productive, but it actually limits your impact.
How This Applies to Leaders
If you lead a team, the same principle rings true. When a team member brings you a challenge, your instinct might be to fix it, offer quick advice, or share how you’d handle it. But if you pause and ask more questions, you help your team member think more deeply. You create space for growth. And you develop better thinkers who over time can learn to address and solve more problems on their own.
3 Ways to Practice Restraint in Conversations
Here’s how you can apply the marshmallow mindset in your daily conversations:
Get comfortable with silence. If someone pauses, let the space sit for a few moments. You don’t need to fill every gap with advice or chatter. Sometimes the best insights come after a quiet beat.
Say “Tell me more about that.” This one simple phrase invites the other person to go deeper. It signals that you’re not in a hurry, and that you care more about understanding than reacting.
Remind yourself: fast answers feel good… but deep understanding wins. You might feel smart when you jump in with a quick fix. But the person on the other side feels seen when you really listen.
What This Has to Do With Sales Results and Leadership Impact
Whether you're trying to close a deal, build trust with a client, or coach a team member, the ability to hold back just a little longer can change everything.
Because when you wait... you learn more, you connect deeper, and you offer more relevant advice. This all leads to higher sales performance, better team engagement, and long-term business success.
Every conversation is a small version of the marshmallow test. Do you bite on the first chance to talk? Or do you wait, ask more questions, and unlock something bigger? Top performers in sales and leadership share one quiet skill: restraint.
So next time you’re tempted to jump in… pause. Stay curious.
And don’t eat the marshmallow.