Why AI Listens Better
Have you ever found yourself yelling “Representative!” into your phone, desperate to talk to an actual human instead of a chatbot? We’ve all been there. No matter how “empathetic” AI tries to sound, we know the truth: it doesn’t actually care.
And yet, recent studies suggest AI might be better at making people feel heard than the average person. A 2023 study in JAMA Internal Medicine found that when two different groups of patients with a medical condition interacted with a chatbot vs. an actual doctor, 80% preferred their interaction with the chatbot. Why? Because AI doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t make the conversation about itself, and follows a simple formula that makes people feel heard: listen, acknowledge, ask a follow-up.
That’s a humbling reality check for all of us.
A recent article in the Wall Street Journal discussed this phenomenon, and referenced a term called "LLMpathy"—the ability of large language models (LLMs) to make people feel seen and heard, often better than humans do. The article highlights how AI has no ego to protect, no need to relate every conversation back to its own experience, and no bad habits of interrupting or one-upping. You can read the full article here.
What AI Gets Right (and Where It Fails)
AI doesn’t have an ego to protect. It doesn’t need to prove its expertise. Instead, it sticks to a formula:
Listen & Paraphrase – It ingests what you have to say and then restates some version what was said so the person feels heard.
Acknowledge – It recognizes the emotions in play.
Follow up – It asks a question to keep the conversation going or to gain additional clarification.
That’s why AI often “feels” like a better listener—it’s not competing for airtime.
But AI has a major flaw: it doesn’t actually care. It can follow a script, but real human connection comes from genuine empathy, not just the appearance of empathy. This is why chatbots eventually become frustrating to interact with. We don’t just want someone to repeat our words back to us—we want to feel understood.
Becoming the Listener People Trust
So what can we learn from AI while being better than AI?
Resist the urge to make it about you. Next time someone shares a challenge or a thought, resist the urge to immediately relate it to your own experience. Instead, stay focused on really listening.
Ask follow-up questions. Show curiosity. Go deeper. “That sounds like a challenge—what have you tried so far?” or “What happened then?” or “Can you clarify what you mean by…”
Acknowledge, but don’t perform. People can tell when empathy is forced. A simple, “Well that sounds pretty frustrating” or “Well this sounds like an exciting project” is often enough.
Let silence do some of the work. Pausing for a beat after someone speaks gives them room to open up more. You’ll be surprised how much more you can learn.
I think I’m a pretty good listener - most of the time anyway - and follow a similar process to the above. I just ask questions and really try to understand the other person, and it’s amazing how much people open up when they can tell you genuinely care. As a leader this helps me understand the true motivations or root causes of an issue or opportunity. As a seller it helps me more deeply understand the clients situation and they trust that I “get them” and can bring a relevant solution, which is really all I’m trying to do - help them get what they need.
I can’t tell you the number of times I met someone new, had an interaction like this, and then later hear that they really enjoyed the conversation. I then laugh to myself because I realize that I barely said anything or even told the other person much about me. What made them enjoy the conversation is that someone was really listening to them.
Influence Starts With Listening
The best salespeople, leaders, and friends aren’t the ones with the best stories or solutions. They’re the ones who make people feel truly heard.
AI might be decent at listening—but it will never replace the trust and connection built by a human who genuinely cares. And if a chatbot can out-listen you? That’s a wake-up call worth paying attention to.